En Francais

This has got to be one of the most intriguing things I've ever seen. It's a little too modern in its decor for me, but the whole conceptualization and realization of it is just amazing. I think it would be perfect for a college student, or more specifically, a succession of college students studying abroad for a semester or two. It's cheap, in the middle of the city, but still functional and aesthetically pleasing, and has light and space. I am inspired.

As a side note, I was pleasantly surprised to find I could understand about 70% of the French, which I haven't spoken for 12 years now. There's on-screen translation for those who aren't francophiles, so don't worry.

Ho boy.

My little sister's getting married.

My mother officially has to admit that her precious angel baby is now an adult (even though she's 23 and in med school and has been an "adult" for quite some time now.)

By 23, I was married and had a kid. Now I'm, ahem, not 23 and have three kids. And 25 pounds of padding on my delicate bones.

I have til Christmas to lose those 25 pounds of padding, which is when I will be fitted for my pink dress. I shall NOT be the fat chick at my sister's wedding.

Thus, commence daily 5 mile runs, 30 reps of squats, and arm weights.

I don't understand

Why do people go camping?

I don't see the logic involved. Why would you forego technological advancements like beds, walls, screened windows and doors, indoor plumbing, electrical appliances, and general comfort to engage in barbarian practices like sleeping on the cold, hard (and sometimes wet) ground with bugs and rodents crawling all over you, gathering wood and scraps to start fires with flint, eating soggy food, being attacked by swarms of mosquitos and biting flies, all in the name of "fun" or "experience"? Especially in the rain. Uck.

Is it some kind of primal desire to relate to cavemen? Is there a measure of "toughness" to prove? It's not like this is Outward Bound.

I've camped before, since you ask. In a tent. On the ground. In the rain.

I prefer to do my camping in a cabin with indoor plumbing and screened windows and doors, and cook in a kitchen or kitchenette with a stove/oven, sink, and fridge. Sure, let's take a nature hike, go fishing, canoeing, horseback riding, skip some stones in the lake, make s'mores over the campfire, but at the end of the day (and sometimes in the middle, too), I like to sleep in a bed with walls separating me from the bears, wolves, and mountain lions that frequent most of the rural US; take a shower in a place with walls and a door that locks; prepare food without gathering fuel for the fire and waiting for it to light, then flare up, then settle down to cook; and get away from flying insects who think I'm their next meal.

I don't mind experiencing nature; heck, "nature" is about five feet from our back porch out here. I like fishing, swimming, canoeing, horseback riding and nature hikes. We've got woods, flowers, plants, deer, squirrels, chipmunks, birds, frogs, and all manner of insects right out the window. Which can be quite charming, as long as I can come inside and get away from it whenever I want. I guess that's the main issue I have with camping: I don't mind being outside and "nature-y" as long as I don't have to STAY outside. I like to have the option.

I was a Camp Fire Girl. I went to day camp and resident (overnight) camp every year til high school. But Camp Fire girls, in the midst of communing with nature, realized that the great indoors is where most humans like to sleep, cook, eat, and bathe, so we stayed in cabins with indoor plumbing and ate in a lodge with a commercial kitchen. It worked out nicely. I loved going to camp. No peeing in the woods...or worse yet, porta-potties. No, we took care of our business in bathrooms with doors that locked and toilets that flushed. We ate with plates and forks and napkins, on tables, sitting in chairs. We slept in bunk beds with real mattresses, in buidings with wood floors and indoor fireplaces. Camp Fire girls know how to camp. We do it right.

My boys are going camping this weekend for scouts for the first time. Luckily, Soldier is staying overnight with the older two outside while the baby and I come back home to sleep. (The lake is not too far from our house, so it's not that far for me to drive back and forth.) If my boys stay in scouts though, i think it's not a bad investment for me to buy a camper with its own bathroom and kitchenette. Maybe other people are suckers for punishment, but I see no reason to rough it if I don't have to. I'm a Camp Fire girl.

Maybe I should just go Independant

I've not really paid much attention to the presidental hopefuls thus far, being recently distracted with the dangers of arsenic in the apple juice, dental x-rays, and UV dryers in nail salons. But sheltered as I am from politics lately, I nevertheless found my jaw on the floor the other day after reading a certain candidate's views on a particular vaccine.

It's impossible for me to really get behind any of the Republican candidates vying for election in the primaries this time around. Rick Perry is too evangelical for me; I have my own relationship with God and I like it, thanks. Don't shove your religion in my face. Besides, he's too much the sterotypical politician-in-bed-with-xyz-corporation for me to approve of his rationale for certain decisions (can we say "financial interest in the legal requirement of certain pharmaceuticals?") Mitt Romney's Mormon affiliation does no favors for him in my book. Again, the whole religion card is overplayed. Why does this race center so much around religion? It's like a face-off between mormons and evangelicals. It's entertaining to watch, much like gladiators in the Coliseum, but I don't really care to place bets or choose sides. Besides, I was under the impression that our founders created this nation to have a "separation of church and state," meaning that religion should not dictate the government nor be dictated by it. But because each of these men have religious friends in rich places, religion is bound to be a cornerstone of their canpaigns.

And then there's Michele Bachmann, who makes me ashamed to be a Republican. Holy screaming weasels, can someone please close her mouth with duct tape before she spews any more ignorant absurdities? In her most recent gaffe, she claimed on national television that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Lunacy at it's finest, folks. She and Jenny McCarthy (best known for her obnoxious farts on MTV and spewing false claims that a. vaccines cause autism and b. she "healed" her autistic son) must be BFF's. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details of how wrong Bachmann is (you can go here to read all about it) but this is not the first time she has unwittingly verbalized such nonsense. She has also claimed, among other absurdities, that the US "could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment" by doing away with minimum wage, and implored the public to "make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers," in combatting the so-called health care reform the Democrats are trying to pass. The last comment alone makes me wonder if perhaps she is not unfamiliar with these types of coven-like rituals.

I am interested to know how she thinks removing minimum wage entirely would wipe out unemployment. When pressed by good ol' George on Good Morning America, she failed to provide any sort of evidence at all to back up this claim. Hey, I'm not saying I agree or disagree (I'm no economist) but if you're going to show up with that placard on your platform, you'd better have some well-respected professional research behind it. Likewise on the vaccine issue.

I am not a fan of government-mandated health insurance either, but I don't think encouraging people to slit their wrists is the right metaphor to use in a stance against it. Maybe I'm just TOO conservative that way; I prefer not to engage in suicidal rituals. And the only covenant I feel comfortable with is the one I signed with my husband on our wedding day.

Her former chief of staff, Ron Carey, has admitted that she has quite the "impulsive nature" and "doesn’t use her staff well." He related to Anderson Cooper that it’s really difficult to prep her and help her kind of back-check before she goes out speaking;" some people may consider this the kind of comment to be expected from a frenemy, but I think the truth in his statements is obvious.

Frankly, I don't want a President with an impulsive nature who prefers to speak off-the-cuff without consulting the facts first. Just think of the horrendous ramifications of a President who angers the head of state (whose alliance the US may be desperate to obtain) at a foreign state dinner by making an impulsive remark intended as a compliment but taken as an insult in that culture? Or one who orders my husband off to war without any sort of logical justification whatsoever, just because she overheard a remark taken out of context on Jerry Springer or other such intelligent media? Government officials have advisors for a reason. If you don't personally have all the answers, you'd better surround yourself with people who do, and check in with them more than just occasionally to make sure you're not making an ass of yourself and/or compromising the entire country in some form or another.

This is looking to be a tough call for me; I'm really not thrilled with any of the specimens offered by my political party, but I'm less thrilled with the Democratic platform, so there's no chance of me defecting that direction. Maybe it's time to just declare myself Independant and leave the Coliseum for good.

Are you kidding me?

What I really want to tell my renters:

Look, I know it's hot. Half the country has been and continues to be under an extreme heat wave this summer. But it's August - do you really think it's going to magically get cooler? August is the hottest month out of the year for most of the U.S. I am so sick of hearing people whine and complain about how hot it is. The fact is that you have air conditioning, and yet you still sit and bitch about how hot you are. I am terribly sorry that ONE room on the farthest side of the house from the condenser/blower is not cooling well enough to your liking, but when the temp is 109 degrees F outside, you should be huddled around the fridge anyway. There is nothing I can do about ONE room not cooling as well as the rest. The REST of the house is cool enough for you, and the air is BLOWING in that ONE room, so the problem is OBVIOUSLY that THAT ONE ROOM is too far from the A/C to cool adequately in this extreme heat. I am not replacing the air conditioner simply because you are from Maryland and you want to live in a frozen cave in the middle of Oklahoma. If you really want to cool off, try dropping 150+ pounds of the lard that pads your spoiled little bones. And don't call me again about this issue.

Sincerely,
Your landlord

Tip O' The Day

Do not allow your seven-year-old child to open cereal bags. Ever.

Because this is what will happen:




This has been a Public Service Announcement.

AAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!

Sorry. That was just me screaming because while getting my baby in the bathtub tonight I discovered an itty-bitty tiny TICK on his chest.

As any good Camp Fire girl who has ever been to camp knows, the tiny ones are the worst, the most likely to carry Lyme disease. Living out in the country we find ticks everywhere - just the other day I picked one off the cat that was nearly the size of a blueberry, it was so overgorged. But those are big ticks. This one was tiny, almost the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

And it was EMBEDDED in MY BABY. (Ok, he's four years old, but he's my baby.) I have no mercy for anything that even thinks of threatening my kids, and this thing had chewed its way into my precious baby's chest and was sucking away on him. I wasn't just going to kill this tick, I was going to make it wish it and it's entire ancestral line had never been created by God.

The main roadblock was that I COULD NOT FIND TWEEZERS. Anywhere. Not in the bathroom. Not in the first aid buckets. Not in the hall closet. Not in the junk drawer.

I would have sold my soul for tweezers at that moment. Luckily I did manage to find some while maniacally dumping out the entire contents of the Caboodle I keep stashed full of random crap under the bathroom sink (yes, I am a child of the 80's and I still have it - what's your problem?). Gold ones, nonetheless. Though I did stop for just the smallest fraction of a nanosecond to wonder why anyone ever thought tweezers needed to appear gold-plated (and I have no idea whatsoever where they came from, along with most of the rest of the stuff in that Caboodle), I firmly clamped down on the blood-sucker and pulled it out, mouthparts and all. The baby and I examined it waving its legs and chewing mandibles in mid-air, and then I laid it on a lovely harsh cold pallet of drenched alcohol pads while I cleaned my baby's bite and deposited him in the warm bath.

Then I made waterboarding and SERE training look like Club Med. When it was finally over, Mr Tick lay lifeless between two more drenched alcohol pads inside the suffocating confines of a sealed baggie, where he's going to stay for at least two weeks until I can be certain that my baby will not suffer any effects of the bite.

I may even hang him up on the back porch as an example for all his family and friends to see.

I am Mama Bear, hear me roar: Don't mess with my kids. Nothing will stop me from destroying any semblance of life you have left.