Today I saw an old man, no younger than 70, mowing his yard in shorty-shorts and a button-down shirt with the sleeves cut off at the shoulders.
Thoughts:
1. Oh. My. Gosh. This person needs "What not to Wear" like a fish needs water.
2. I hope he's not dressed that way in some misguided attempt to get a tan or impress the ladies, because frankly, 70 year olds don't need tans and if he couldn't attract the ladies before, it's not gonna happen now.
3. I would've thought only a gay man would wear shorty-shorts. But this man obviously isn't gay, because no gay man (even a drag queen) with even a shred of self-respect would wear such a repulsive outfit.
4. Now I need my eyes sanitized.
About Me
- Soonerchick
- I have a Bachelor's in Psychology, a Master's in Human Relations, and a Ph.D. in telling people what to do. I raise children, dogs, cats, and hermit crabs and cultivate crabgrass and pretty weeds. I am teaching myself to cook, not because I love to cook but because I love to eat. I love to travel, read, and take pictures; I also like to write, so you'll get to read a lot about all the aforementioned subjects plus about anything else I happen to feel like sharing with you. I'll take all your questions and may even give some back with answers if you're lucky and I'm feeling helpful (or bored.)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Observations
This is the first of a series on this blog that I'm going to call "Observations." These are things I notice at random that I feel like sharing my thoughts on, for whatever reason. They'll pop up every now and then.
Today's installment regards turkey vultures. If you've never seen a turkey vulture, let me preface this by saying that these are the most repulsive birds on the planet. They look exactly like the bastard child of a turkey and a vulture, hence the name, and out here in Kentucky, not a day goes by that you don't see at least two or three of them circling up in the air.
I took my younger two to the playground today while we waited for my oldest's baseball practice to end. I happened to look up at a turkey vulture circling the playground area and the first thought that immediately popped into my head was "If I had a gun with me, I'd drop that sucker." Pure reflex.
Thoughts: I have never actually wished death on any animal. There are some animals I don't like very much, but I've never had thoughts of killing them. I'm too soft-hearted for that. Or at least, I was. The realization that such a heartless and emotion-free thought was my initial gut reaction to that bird was a smidge startling. But I didn't (and still don't) feel guilty, because the very reason I had that thought was because I felt my kids were threatened. Now, I know that turkey vultures don't attack live anythings, let alone people, but these are huge birds, and when they circle low (and it was VERY low) over my babies, my reflexive reaction is immediate and absolute annihilation. I turn into a rabid militant with a vicious attitude problem if I sense any harm about to befall my children.
Lesson: Anyone or anything that even so much as has passing thoughts about threatening me or my kids in any way, shape, or form had better be prepared for certain, immediate death. I don't give a rat's butt who you are and I'll leave your smelly carcass to rot where it falls. I take no prisoners when it comes to my family.
Today's installment regards turkey vultures. If you've never seen a turkey vulture, let me preface this by saying that these are the most repulsive birds on the planet. They look exactly like the bastard child of a turkey and a vulture, hence the name, and out here in Kentucky, not a day goes by that you don't see at least two or three of them circling up in the air.
I took my younger two to the playground today while we waited for my oldest's baseball practice to end. I happened to look up at a turkey vulture circling the playground area and the first thought that immediately popped into my head was "If I had a gun with me, I'd drop that sucker." Pure reflex.
Thoughts: I have never actually wished death on any animal. There are some animals I don't like very much, but I've never had thoughts of killing them. I'm too soft-hearted for that. Or at least, I was. The realization that such a heartless and emotion-free thought was my initial gut reaction to that bird was a smidge startling. But I didn't (and still don't) feel guilty, because the very reason I had that thought was because I felt my kids were threatened. Now, I know that turkey vultures don't attack live anythings, let alone people, but these are huge birds, and when they circle low (and it was VERY low) over my babies, my reflexive reaction is immediate and absolute annihilation. I turn into a rabid militant with a vicious attitude problem if I sense any harm about to befall my children.
Lesson: Anyone or anything that even so much as has passing thoughts about threatening me or my kids in any way, shape, or form had better be prepared for certain, immediate death. I don't give a rat's butt who you are and I'll leave your smelly carcass to rot where it falls. I take no prisoners when it comes to my family.
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