Fed Up

This week was fall break; we spent the first half in Virginia having fun.  We spent the second half in Kentucky, being lazy and then driving to Cincinatti yesterday to go to the Lego store.  Today is the last day of fall break and we spent all morning at the dentist, which launched me headfirst back into school-scouts-choir-chess-club-pta-mode, which I despise.

My kids like their activities, so I don't want to be a Grinch and make them stop participating.  I have limited them to two at a time because that is as far as my sanity will stretch without snapping.  They are in Scouts year-round, choir and chess club during the school year, and sports in the summer.  Against my better judgement, I also accepted the position of PTA VP of Programs at the baby's preschool this year.  I was told this involved writing and copying a newsletter for distribution once a month, which sounded simple enough.

I should have known better. I did know better. And I accepted anyway, because I figured, hey, it's just a preschool.  What could there really be to do for PTA in freakin' preschool?


The preschool my older two went to back home didn't even have a PTA.  Why not? Because it wasn't necessary.  The kids aren't even old enough yet to care about school carnivals and dances and canned food drives and book fairs and fundraisers and Super Kids Day.  They just like to go to school like the "big kids" and color pictures and learn their letters and colors and shapes and have snack.  The most I ever had to do there was throw a birthday party for them once a year and show up occasionally to help supervise a holiday fete or two.  I never had to devise games or make food to bring or decorate the school or handprint 110 kids in one afternoon.  I never had to spend entire DAYS at school writing up, copying, sorting, and distributing reminder notes for every insignificant stupid thing, plus the newsletter.  I was never expected to sell chocolate bars that nobody likes or raid my own pantry for food for school parties.

I have to say, after being in this PTA officer position for three months now, I still don't see the point of having a PTA in preschool. Everything we do could be done by the teachers and their assistants.  The only thing I could see needing parent volunteers for is the book fair, which is four days long.  At my kids' old preschool, the teachers and admins handled the selling and distribution of school t-shirts, holiday parties and special events like graduation.  They asked for parent volunteers to help with the one field trip per year, and to throw the kid a birthday celebration at school if you so chose.  Other than that, you dropped your little grunion off at the door and the teacher walked them out to your car at the end of the day.  Oh yeah, and the day was five and a half  hours long, five days a week, just one hour shorter than a regular elementary school day, so you could actually get something accomplished while the kid was there, like holding down a regular job or getting a master's degree.  Out here, they only go for three hours,  four days a week, which is just slightly longer than mothers-day-out.  I know some parents are going to argue, but it's preschool. They shouldn't be subjected to the rigors of a full school day before first grade.


And to that I say hooey.  My older two did just fine.  There was a period of adjustment, for a week or so, and then they were just fine. Better than fine, because they got to spend a large chunk of their day playing games, doing art projects, playing on the playground, learning their letters and shapes and numbers and even Spanish, for crying out loud, and then they got to come home and tell Mommy all about it.  And Mommy got to take a desperately needed nap with the new baby and work on a term paper and clean up the kitchen and go to the grocery store without dodging preschoolers underfoot.  And at the end of the day, everyone was mentally stable and mostly pleased with their accomplishments.

Here, I have three hours per day, four days a week to accomplish grown-up tasks like doctor appointments,  exercise, grocery shopping, errand running, and house cleaning.  Of those 12 hours per week, at least six of them are spent doing work up at the preschool. Thank God I got that master's degree out of the way back home, because I would never have time to study with the schedule I have now.

It's not just school, however.  Scouts is just as guilty.  Last year they demanded that every parent solicit donations for the end-of-year banquet, whether you wanted to or not.  They even distributed two cards to each family with the name, address, and item requested from each business.  I was appalled.  Look, if you don't want to do the dirty work associated with coordination donations for the banquet, then don't join the committee for it.  But certainly don't tell me and the other parents that it's our job.  I signed my kids up and paid the fees for you to be the Leader, not me.  I don't mind helping now and then, but I am repulsed by the fact that you require it of me, let alone that I detest solicitation in general.  I was in Camp Fire for ten years growing up, and never once were any of the parents asked, much less required, to assist with anything.  Look, I love my kids, but I don't want to spend my free time working with other people's kids.  If I did, I would have signed up to be Leader.

For decades, schools and teachers have begged for parent volunteers to help them manage all the tasks that go into providing our kids with an education.  My mother taught school for decades until moving into administration, so I lived, breathed, and ate "school" way more than the average kid.  All the work to be done in a school setting is not unfamiliar to me, but that doesn't mean I like doing it, especially if I'm not getting paid.  I don't mind showing up for parties and bringing food or treats; I don't mind going on field trips with my kids; I don't mind taking them to school early or picking them up late for chess club or lego club or choir.  But I don't like decorating the classroom or opening milk cartons at lunch or cleaning up easels and tables after fingerpainting and play-doh time.  I don't like standing in front of a copier for an hour or two, copying, sorting, and distributing newsletters, reminder notes, permission slips, and t-shirt order forms. The way I see it, that's the teachers' and admins' job.  I realize that schools are mostly government-funded, and as such, don't always have the resources necessary to do or buy everything they want for the kids.  And although I don't love it, I don't generally mind doing fundraising to help out with the financial burden.  But somewhere along the line, someone decided stay at home moms didn't have enough to do, so they could come up to school and do the drudgery work the teachers didn't want to do.  And before all you teachers out there jump on me at once about how you don't have time to do those things, and that's why you rely on parents to help out, let me ask you something.  If all this 'drudgery-work' is part of your job, why don't you have time to do it? Why is the "I don't have time" excuse considered valid?  It's certainly not considered valid in any other profession.  How long do you think you would have a job if you told your customers you didn't have time to make their product presentation look nice? Or if you told your patients you didn't have time to update their files with notes about their condition? Or if you told your clients you didn't have time to file the paperwork so their legal case is going to be drawn-out indefinitely? But that's exactly what teachers expect nowadays. They rely on, nay, expect, PTA moms and parent volunteers to do the work they don't want to or don't "have time" to do so they can focus on "being better teachers."

Are you kidding me? Should I then ask you to write up your own patient notes so I can spend that time "being a better doctor?" Should I ask you to write your own briefs for your case so I can spend that time "being a better attorney?"  Should I ask you to pick up the copies of my charts for my presentation to you for your ad campaign so I can spend that time "being a better consultant?"

I don't blame the teachers for starting this trend, however.  I blame the mothers.  Those mothers who couldn't find anything else to do with their time, so they decided to be helpful and see if their kid's teacher or school needed any busy work done for them.  That's great, for those who want to do it.  But schools and teachers have come to rely on that help so much over the generations that now they just request and expect it. If you have a full-time job outside the home, you're given a pass for actually being at school during the day, but you better be there for any evening activities that occur, lest you be accused of not taking an interest in your child's education.  In my experience, though, the PTA moms are the worst enforcers; they police the other parents' volunteer participation like prison guards at labor camps.

I am putting my foot down to this outrageous nonsense.  If you want to donate your time and money to print copious reminder notes, coordinate multiple parties throughout the year, plan field trips or other outings,  organize fundraisers, dream up ways for kids to earn badges and awards, decorate teacher's rooms, put together charity drives, and run yourself ragged trying to look like (or be) Super-PTA-Mom or Super-Den-Mother, then knock yourself out.  Because you're sure not doing it for the kids, no matter what you say.  You're doing it to prove to yourself that you're not nearly as worthless as you feel sitting at home all day with no job and no talents or interests of your own to pursue.  The kids don't care about 3/4 of the crap you insist on perpetuating.  They want a party at Christmas and maybe a school carnival once a year.  Scouts is a little more involved, but a couple of camp-outs and an hour-long meeting once a week to earn a badge is sufficient.  The rest is gravy.

From this day forward, I am not taking on any other volunteer chairperson, officer, or coordinator responsibilities for the foreseeable future.  It has gotten to the point where I have become angry and bitter about it, and that is my signal to stop.  I will not make my kids give up their activities, but I am going to leave it up to others to do the jobs they signed themselves up for.  I will not volunteer unless I feel there is a direct benefit to myself or my own kids.  If this makes me a Grinch, so be it.  My family and myself come first.